When we became homeowners, I observed that most of the neighborhood men were mildly obsessive-compulsive about their yards. If one guy went out to mow the lawn, five men would be outside cutting the grass. As the sounds of equipment amplified, the number of men with trimmers, blowers, mowers, tractors, and clippers would grow exponentially.
My husband, the office workaholic, allowed me to takeover yard duties. Being female, I was breaking tradition. Proudly, I can say that with care and attention, our hedge of scrawny Red Tips grew to a lush 10'. Ted, from next door, discreetly and anxiously watched when I used the hedge clipper to trim them. Kindly, he was waiting for me to fall from the top of the stepladder.
I liked mowing best because you could immediately feel accomplishment from the manicured pattern you left behind. It is unlike child rearing, where you patiently wait 20-plus years to realize if your parenting technique was successful.
In order to 'compete' successfully, you have to train. I took a class about grass from the Extension Services Bureau. Who knew there are so many types of grass? There is zoysia, fescue, bluegrass, ryegrass, Bermuda, and centipede. I learned about 18-6-12 fertilizer and more than any woman should know about soil sampling. I felt I needed this information so that our yard would meld with the neighborhood. To my surprise, our grass looked pretty darn good, if I do say so myself.
That same summer, my husband and I went to a party across the street. The hosts were a great couple - two bright, over-achievers. Alex, head of household, was a newly minted doctor with a passion for hot cars. He souped-up the engine on his lawn tractor, making it the by far fastest on the block. His colleagues, young 30-something medical specialists, were standing around intellectually chatting about golf and things. Someone mentioned grass. My ears pricked up and I turned to announce that I had completed "Grass Class."
Have you ever used a magnet to attract straight pins? Just that fast, the young docs honed-in, full of questions. "There's really a class for that? What fertilizer do you recommend? What's the best variety for X, Y, Z condition?" My husband stood back smiling, while my head bobbled around trying to absorb all the questions and comments. Wow! I was surrounded by hunky, brainy guys! First time ever! Too bad for me - taken....
Here is my conclusion. I stumbled upon this phenomenon incidentally... I might doublethink it as an ethical behavior for eligible females. Oh- what the heck! If ever a girl wants to attract a man, take a "Grass Class."
